This spring I was devastated to fully grok the sequence of events of the last years of Steve’s life, particularly my sudden acquisition of the shop just two months after we got the Westfalia.  I almost don’t want to write about it, it is so painful to realize how free we were at that moment, and how quickly things went downhill.

That last trip, in the 4Runner, to Palmdale and Hot Creek, I can see how sick he was. Not here-  you can look back if you like.

These were good days, tho-

Pacifica, February 2012

I am grieving today, and not much use. Today-the 6th, 3:30 in the early morning, was the fourth anniversary of the moment I let them shut down the machine that was keeping him breathing-

I am not surprised, but the loss is overwhelming. I posted a favorite photo on facebook. I  put something up on the Possum Family blog, but I don’t have a recent photo, can’t get around the empty chair.

Suitably it is raining today, and I am glad just to paint and read my book, and nap.

I walked down to the corner today and got a double cappuccino, that was Steve’s morning drink of choice when we were first together. He would go out to get the paper and come back with two coffees, and we would have toast with peanut butter and jelly.

Today with the lost hippies, I will wear black.