Icy cold and windy, 2000 is a terribly painful year, everything has become strained.  The Landlord pulls a weird left turn in our illegal rental agreement, precipitating a fight and a hearing with the Rent Board. Steve’s drinking and smoking overwhelm me with despair and back pain.  I am confused and feeling unsupported, incapacitated with vomiting migraines.  I take classes in Tai Chi, and “Manifesting”, struggling to save money to buy a house.  The Ravines/Hoddymandodd play the Stork Club, and Voulez-Vous.  It rains and rains and rains all February.

2/28 Steve and I take a drive to hike the Marin Headlands.

March 11-13, we travel to Stillwater Cove, via Monte Rio, and dinner at Jerry’s  (vw mileage 91884)

At the March Party at John Giuliani’s, I played three songs, my usual–then played along as everyone jammed.  John Havard complimented me on my intuitive playing, how I hear subtleties and sing so beautifully!  The old guy from across the street asked where’d you learn to play like that?  I am playing so beautifully I get a compliment from Philip Rosheger!  He and Steve are deep in conversation for “a couple of hours” discussing missing time and ufos.

April, Sara comes for a book signing at the Starry Plough, and speaks at the Women’s Center.  Dick and Vicki visit for my birthday, and we take them to Bolinas, and dinner and brews at the Olema Farmhouse.

May, a new painting–Diaz Lake!  Acrylic on canvas panel.

May 28  Meadow Muffin of the Excellent INCHES/Cavepainters Recording.  2 rolls of film, one of mine, one of Steve’s.  Sketch journal of travel photos.  Then, rolls of film, camping, somewhere, knobs, and lakes  .  .  .  Little Hot Creek, in The big white truck. So many photos missing  .  .  actual film prints  .  .  . could be several pages of travels  .  .  ?

June 1, into Nevada: Spencer’s, Diana’s Punch Bowl, Pott’s Ranch, Warm Springs Pool, Crystal Springs, Goblin Knobs, Lake Pahranagat- so sketchy.

I am struggling with back pain and migraine, I go to several practitioners and practice chi gong and yoga through the fall, but it’s all about having the rug pulled out from under me again, just as I was feeling like I had a solid footing.

For Steve’s birthday we take a trip to camp in Mendocino National Forest and Lake “Pilby” (Pillsbury), on the Eel River.

For Labor Day, we drive to Tomales Bay.  September 23-25 we meet Jean and Jerry at Usal Creek (site #11)

Another band, Long Term Effects, comes and thankfully, goes.

A couple of weekends are spent driving to Santa Rosa and Sacramento shopping for a new work truck, and October 23 I buy a 1995 Tacoma with a camper shell, $7215.45.   On November 16, I am a making a left turn off Shattuck and am T-boned by a white pizza delivery truck–technically totaling my new ride, except the structural damage isn’t discovered until halfway through the repair.   Mazda is deemed unrepairable, and sent off to charity.

Thanksgiving in Bolinas, house-sitting, Christmas in Palmdale, and on December 30, the Cavepainters play the Starry Plough.

In June we take a trip to Bodega Bay and Gualala, stopping on the way back to visit Connie and Bill in Fairfax. July 10-17 we drive back to Palmdale to visit and assess the building crisis.  Mike is interviewed on Geraldo Live! –I can’t tell if we did any traveling or just hung around the house.   shortly thereafter (7/29) we go to check out a Martin Bass Grif has found at the Fifth String where he spends Thursday nights.  We love it, Steve gives me $600 to cover half.  In August I take an acrylic painting class.  Grif and I are playing with Zenarchy, with Annalisa and Barry.  We rebuild the front door of the VW with all new gaskets, and in September drive to Island Mountain, where we can’t get any closer than a chain link fence.  I take a framing class, start my painting of Mt. Diablo.  In October, Fred comes to visit  .  .  . November 8, a Sunday trip to the beach, 11/27, hike to dump beach Finally, at the end of 1999, we wend our way down to Foxholm to the family estate for Christmas. There was a lot of chatter about the potential crash of computer systems worldwide, so, on a lark, we decided to go Analog, driving the 1957 VW van, taking a crank radio to the desert. After our traditional Last-Minute shopping trip for gifts, Steve and I took a drive out to Barrel Springs Road to get some fresh air where we blew a cylinder in the van and had to have it towed to a shop for a rebuild. Now carless, we rented a 2000 Chevy pickup truck for $500 and after Christmas dinner at Mar’s family home, took off for Death Valley while the VW was being rebuilt.

Sphinx Rock, Nevada

In January I moved into Apartment 2, my sanctuary.  February– I took a class called watercolor journal for artists, and added a new palette of tube colors to my kit.

March 6, camping somewhere in Sonoma County Regional parks, $15. in the VW, Gualala Point of Stillwater Cove.  After having it tuned and smogged, the clutch broke in the Mazda

April, rebuilding Lisa’s rear terraces and steps, cold rain and hail, 4/24, Bison Brewery showcase, sick from too much work.

Year of Rabbit-  I turn 48.  May 8, Forestiere’s Underground Gardens

1.  May 10-  we had stopped at Dave and Bev’s for my birthday, then headed out into the desert, via Porterville.  At Fairview campground  ($12) .  .  . the mountains are Cold!  and the passes are closed.   Bats! the beautiful night sky, Mars and Venus brilliant in their colors, we decided suddenly to go to Arizona.  This spot reminds me of Globe, Hale-Bopp, and pan fried steak with garlic and butter.  I was reminiscing on the San Pedro River and the lush green and giant Saguaro cactus there, when Steve said Hey!  Let’s go!   Note Rincon Campground just past Brush Creek heliport on the Kern River–looks cool for another trip.    We headed east to 395, Steve wanted to pick up bread at Bishop–way north of here.  Yuccas in bloom!  Red Mountain antique shop, granite-ware coffeepot and Santa Anita ware mug.    Eat in Needles!  It’s neat and nice!

2.  Camped at Vidal Junction, dinner of steak, giant tiger shrimp, and corn.  Tuesday morning between Earp, CA and Vidal Junction near Rt 62, Whipple Mountains, cross the Colorado at Parker, buy gas at Quartzite. Truck is hot, cutting out, we tie up the plug wires with dental floss–seems to help!  The Saguaros are in bloom, Palo Verde, and Ocotillo.  I 10, Picacho Peak, turn east at Red Rock.  Just past spring, wonderful surprise, a cactus forest of mythical proportions, a beautiful golden desert road that goes on for miles and miles. Glorious yellow and green against the Red Rock, magical.  Pink Cholla, purple, rust fluoresces to rose.

Desert Peak, 2,608 ft.  Mammoth? at 5 PM.  Water in the San Pedro River, heading north.

3.  Jones Water north of Globe, 5/12/99 Purple hedgehog cactus with purple flower. 1 PM Fort Thomas , Rt 70 south and west through the Res.  2 PM Rt 191, Red chollas!   3 PM Wilcox, south to Cochise”s Stronghold.  A weird parking lot campground, beautiful canyon, but creepy echos, and a haunted feeling.  Courtland, Gleeson, Tombstone, ghost towns.

4.  Cross dry river at 82, north on 90 to Whetstone Mountains, French Joe Campground. I sit up by the fire after Steve goes to sleep, the scary bugs walking by my feet send me quickly off to bed.   Black velvet wasp, giant bumblebees, metallic green beetle.  Ocotillo bloom casts a red haze over the landscape of vivid yellow green.  Benson, $11 gas, Watermill, 7 gallons at $1.75.  Scorpion bead kit, $4.  North on the San Pedro to Redington, to Tanque Verde Road and the Tucson Botanical Garden.  My old neighborhood.  Crossroads Mexican Restaurant off 4th Avenue

Tucson Mountain Park via Ajo and Kinney Road–camping, $6.   a bird Fiesta!  Pyrrhuloxia, and a female cardinal-  the beak is different.  Curved-bill thrush, ravenous, with a fat juvenile yelling, feed a baby!  Gila woodpecker at the top of a flowering Saguaro.  Gambel’s quail, quite tame.  and then, twilight, and BATS!  Dinner of leftover Mexican fried chicken and cheese tostada.

Morning, 6 AM tap, tap, tap on the camper shell, Pyrrhuloxia happily yelling into the truck–make breakfast!  Potato chip!  Beautiful Tucson Mountain Park Saguaro forest, Palo Verde a cloud of soft bloom.  This is my bliss.

Gila Bend to Agua Caliente–mysterious traffic stop, suspicious vehicle, we are free to go.  ?   Continue to Dome Valley North on 95.  Needles, for more giant shimp, but now they are !$15.99 a pound?  we buy 5.  Nevada at last, in the DARK we drive down an endless gravel wash, 20 miles at 15 mph, too scary!  Then, suddenly, a Tamarisk grove, and water, and a little beach, just big enough to park and camp, quick! light lanterns and get a fire going.  Animal tracks at water’s edge.  I eat one potato and half a shrimp, then pass out from exhaustion.

Saturday, wake at 7:30, western king bird.  breakfast of eggs, bacon, peppers, feta cheese.  I walk out into clear cool water, chest deep.  Steve heats gallons of water on the fire and we take two baths each, before and after swimming.  Leave for California and Palmdale at 11:30 AM.

travelling through the desert near a military base, we are spotted and pulled over by an MP? in a white jeep who says we match the description of a vehicle .  .  .  but are free to go.  On arrival in Palmdale everyone is Abuzz– Sara is featured on America’s Most Wanted  .  .  .

Throughout the summer I occupied the vacant 290 square foot studio behind Steve’s apartment, sleeping on Lynn’s sleek black couch, waiting to move in at the beginning of the year.  I spent little time at 60th Street.  Here, too, there is a giant redwood tree out the window, and a yard I have almost to myself.

In October we took a trip to Pyramid Lake, Nevada

November, Lone Pine, Saline Valley, with the Leonid Meteor Shower overhead–painting  AFTER THE METEORS,   Leaving Saline Valley, we traveled up a side road to Camp Vega, now burned out or demolished by the park service when Saline was blended into the National Park.

In April Stevie and I drove out to the desert, driving around Eureka Dune for hours searching for the way into Saline Valley.  Not sure- did we make it?  Was this the trip through Steel Pass?

Waterdogs/Art Show at Dohr Street, Sarah builds frames for my apple drawings

Steve’s brother had his roof damaged by a hail storm.   Steve and I drove to Iowa in the Big White Truck to help reshingle the roof.  What a great trip–we traveled on the back roads, a quarter mile north of I 80, almost deserted and lost in time. 7/17 we leave early and drive through California and Nevada, camping at Angel Creek, near Wells, Nevada, arrive 10:30 7/18 up at 5, coffee and leave at 8 Am.  Saratoga (cute!) 7 PM Saturday, 1000 miles at Medicine Bow in Mountains of Wyoming 7/19/1998 Daily Nebraska Park Permit.  Fireflies!  Hord Lake, on the Platte River–there was water then, $3 at 1537 miles. Arrive at Lance’s house in Decorah Monday 7/20, following a big, tree-tossing storm, about 4 PM.   We spend an incredibly hot week, Steve and Lance on the roof, me helping marginally-  I can’t carry 60# slabs of shingles like I thought.  Nordicfest and the tractor parade, and a toy shop where many tractors in several sizes could be had.  Decorah is a beautiful town, in a unique, glacier-free landscape of ancient rock and deep cold springs. via Seedsavers to visit rare-apple orchards, and Blue Earth to visit my niece Becky.  Camping upstate-    visit to nightmarish Mall of the Americas  .  .  .  Big dinner at Bucca’s with the Petersons. Leaving Minneapolis on Tuesday7/28, Maplewood State Park at 2600 miles, Wednesday 7/29 at Pelican Rapids, Visited Steve’s Aunt Enid and uncle Pag in Barnesville.   We  searched Moorehead for the old family homes before crossing over into North Dakota, to visit Hatton, the family graveyard of Soliahs and Mastruds. Crossing North Dakota was bleak and cold, the scariest bathrooms anywhere.  Who suggested we take the northern route?  Montana was better, and Flathead Lake, cherry orchards, beautiful cabin culture, and at last, Hot Springs. Montana.  The best, softest, most beautiful water anywhere.

After torrential rains and floods of December 1996, my client Lisa’s terraced back yard in the Oakland hills collapsed on New Years Day. Bitter cold, freezing birdbaths, cold and rain, cold and rain, too cold to work much! Just want to be out there where I can hear the wind and nothing but soft as perfect summer air.

3/13 /97  I drove the van Betsy to Arizona with companions C.Cooper, her snoring Pug Dudley, to see if we could paint and find land to buy in the wild remote desert.  It has always been my dream to have a little shack in the vast outdoors, and C wants to buy a little house in the Bisbee or Patagonia area.  I lived in some funky little dives in Tucson for 3 years before moving to Oakland in 1975.  First night out, Red Rock Canyon, site 38.

http://www.astronomy.org

In Coalinga we paid $17 for 11.7 gallons of gas, odometer reading (1? 2? 3?) 82500.  I find myself compulsively journaling (theoretically supported by J. Cameron’s The Artist’s Way), but it rarely leads to drawing.  I find myself shy about being seen drawing, as if the teacher is going to come embarrass me.  Fear of process, mistakes.  Spoiled by my own innate skill.  Oddly, I do really well in classes, doing brilliant work in no time flat, but on my own I am confused, distracted, unable to gather what I need and proceed.  The challenge is to get started, when I am in suspended animation and unstoppable. 3/14  BLM cow pasture–Old Woman Springs Road; Joshua Tree too crowded..  woke this morning at 4:30 to the COMET!  Hale-Bopp.  Beautiful, not as bright as Hyakutake, but two tails clearly visible, the main comet and a lesser blue tail.  Painting  .  .  .   at Organ Pipe, we camped just outside the gate, and a Mexican guy came an tapped on the door in the morning and asked for a ride. I gave him water.  The view of the border, strung with security lights and razor wire.  Mars, a beautiful shocking Orange in the sky.  $90 in books and maps at the visitors center. 3/18  Trailriders Inn, Tombstone.  It was beastly cold and threatening to rain.  Gross airless room, and delicious dinner.  I ended up sleeping in the van.  Wish I could leave this place, cook my own food, and watch the shadows creep across a canyon.   Walking before sunrise, saw a Coyote running down the road.  Filtered the “free” coffee through some Berkeley Blend, went for another walk with Cameras.  Stations of the Cross, I cried for my mother, 2 years gone.  Five hours later, why are we here?  Can I draw the Pepsi machine and privet hedge? 3/19  Whetstone Mountains. Trouble with the van, Everywhere the VW is a conversation starter, at Bugs and Bunnies I called ahead, and 6 guys came out to see us drive up in the 1957 Crayola-box-colored van.  $179 for a go-over- turns out the guy at the shop loosened my accelerator cable so I can’t get enough gas to get uphill, and fouled the plugs.  I keep stopping for help, but this defect never detected (although C. mentions it, I don’t hear). 3/20, 4 PM–Santa Ritas, snoring pug, stale cigaret smoke, aching back from stressing over the van.  Housing prices to match California.  C went into Fry’s to get allergy meds, cigarets, and vodka.  Parking, shopping, traffic lights, the heat is terrible.  I would rather be home.  Stuck on a dangerous shoulder with an over heating engine.  San Pedro River, giant, lush Saguaros, Pyrrhuloxia, Phainopepla, Pipevine Swallowtail, each disaster is less of a problem than I fear. Cloud Nine motel in Globe with pool and Jacuzzi- C made them move us to a better room since the pool is empty.  Brown enamel coffee pot in a funky junk store, $10, green tin speckle ware bowl $3.  Cool retaining wall of giant tires.  So overamped from panic, is this an art-aversion exercise?  Called Steve from Globe, hoping for rescue.  Put in a new coil, just freaking out when a guy walked up and asked if I needed help.  C. busy with postcards, star stickers, glitter glue, drawing from photographs in the newspaper. 3/22  Saturday! Outside Oracle C. cooked delicious steaks in ginger, garlic, and butter over the camp stove.  Salt River Canyon, all seems well with the bus, I drive with the hatch held open with bungees. Treacherous mountain driving, exquisitely beautiful.  VW shop closed until Monday, I bought a petrified wood ring, we split a beer, heading north to Navajo lands.  The moon is full, I really believe we will make it to Utah. 3/23  Locals stop to help, we follow them back to their shack, they can’t figure out where the radiator is!  Air cooled.  They are baffled.  At Window Rock, Navajo Nation Inn, I can’t sleep indoors, back to the van, record store is closed, everyone is out of town for the Powwow.  C. says I am a fine draftsman, a useful and delightful personal skill.  She is traveling on to Utah, we are waiting for Steve to appear with the Honda, he and I will take Betsy home.  I have run out of time and the will to continue.  Eclipse tonight, and Hale Bopp.  C. is in the hotel, drinking vodka, smoking, watching the Academy Awards (the English Patient).    Motel, 4 nights, w tax $290. 3/25  Monday? I bought plaid fleece to make curtains for the VW.  Steve finally arrives after a hellish couple of days cleaning C.’s car of impacted cigaret butts and dog hair–enough so he can breathe and drive at the same time.   The key to the Honda was not on the ring she left, and with miscommunication with her room mates, the area code we gave him from the pad in the hotel room being wrong–etc, etc.  He still somehow made it here.  One of the tires so bad, and no spare!  We had almost driven that car on this trip! 3/26  Tuesday we head out for Sanders, meet C. at Cholla Lake, Wednesday, Burro Creek.  C has decided to go home, too, trailing us.  She calls from Bakersfield and asks us to come.  Steve puts the old voltage regulator back on, and the van starts right up, we sneak past Bakersfield, holding our breath..  In Seligman we stop at an antique store, Ross offers me $250 or two Tonkas for my Smith-Miller semi-truck toy.  Alas, I don’t have it with me.  We head north, Bullhead, Baker, Lava Beds, Mojave, Tulare, Forestiere Underground Gardens!  Merced, and back to Oakland 8 PM Saturday.

Mendocino National Forest In late April 1997 Steve and I took a palate-cleansing trip up to Mendocino National Forest, to a little campground abandoned except for hunting season.    There were trout, and this time, we ate them. 

August, Lower Nye Camp, Mendocino National Forest.

Then a trip to Palmdale, Wrightwood Fire, a visit to Fox Field, then Nevada via 395, Hot Springs, abandoned houses.

For 6 weeks i have had so much trouble with unremembered passwords, immoble internet, indecipherable error messages, crashing printers, non-responsive keyboards,  i don’t know how to continue with this blog.   Somewhere in that time was the first anniversary of Steve’s death, heartbreak, disbelief, and a great deal of music and friends.   I’ll be back later.

Pining for the desert, where my heart will always be free, my soul will always be at home, my nose will always be covered.

Texas Spring, Death Valley 2006

We didn’t always carry a camera with us into the pools, but sometimes got a great shot.  Here are a few:  Bridgeport Hot Pool; Hart Mountain Hot Spring, Oregon, in light snowfall; Travertine super-Hot Spring near Bridgeport;  Steve at Fernley Hot Pool, Nevada; Buckeye Hot Spring;  Lower Little Hot Creek at Dawn; camp at Saline Valley 11/2006; Warm Springs Camp, Death Valley 12/29/2007.

1996–We took two more trips in our 1957 VW van Betsy.

August 13  we traveled up the California coast, heading to Oregon and Washington for a Miller family reunion on Orcas Island in Puget Sound.  Swimming, steaks, showers, camping at Standish Hickey#5.  8/15  Reedsport, Oregon Dunes Beach Camp, Tahkenich Lake.  8/16  Slept in the VW at my sister Kathy’s,  leaving at 9 AM, enter Washington via Tillemook Air Museum at 3 PM.  Ferry from Anacortes to Orcas Island, check in 4 PM Saturday, where we stayed for two days.  Back to Bothell and brother Dick’s house Monday, then to Woodinville to visit Steve’s friends Koki and Ruthie.  To Portland 8/22, to Steve’s sister Jo’s house, then a visit to my Aunt Jeanne and cousin Trinka.

In October, I flew to Baltimore to visit my Aunt Annette–we ate crabs, and visited Ladew Topiary Gardens, I took photos from which I did some drawings.

In September, more trips to Albany dump beach, photographing and collecting rust sculptures

November 19-22, we headed out to the desert via Hiway 99, camping at Red Rocks, and then Saline Valley, where I much enjoyed the beautiful desert rain from the VW’s comfortable wood-paneled interior.

After the rain  11/1996

And then-  Palmdale for Christmas, where we bought a big white Toyota 1981 4×4 truck and camper for $2000.  It looked so huge when we got it home, we named it Orca.